i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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