Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
