Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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