But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
