we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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