I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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