Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do herpes really smell.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
