did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
