Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
