OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
