Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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