I heard we made out
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
