Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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