I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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