"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just sent this text using only my big toe
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
