At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
