I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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