I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
