I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
