My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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