porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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