The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
