Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
