dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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