Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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