I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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