So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
