I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
