Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
