I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
