you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
