if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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