If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
