I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
