I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
