i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
