Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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