the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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