I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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