ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
