New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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