margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
