You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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