2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
