I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
