One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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