Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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