You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize