I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
