your thong is hanging out like whoa
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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