as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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