my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
