I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
