I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she told me i tasted like america
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
