There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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