home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
