These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
