i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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