Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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