Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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