i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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