everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
