what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
