dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
