Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
