omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
