Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
