There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
